We Experience Public Speaking Anxiety and Fear When:

We have something to hide

• Truth: Anxiety grows when we have something to hide but are in a situation where we feel like people can see through us. We all have all gone things that we may not be very proud of that we don’t like people to know. We don’t like people to know things that we have struggled or are struggling with. These tend to be around our weaknesses, pretending to be something we are not, or even sin (things we do that we believe are wrong). These things evoke shame, guilt, doubt and fear of being found out. They could result from our own actions or actions of others like sexual abuse. We are ashamed or at least not proud of these. So, we say, “No one can know”. They are tightly kept secrets. But that is exactly the source of subliminal fears that will invariably blow up the moment you step on a public speaking stage. “They can see. They know. it’s all over my face.” The solution is to open up to a trusted person in your life who cares about you. When you have nothing to hide, you are more relaxed even when the spotlight is on you.

We don’t live in the present moment. We get into our own head

• Truth: Anxiety flourishes when our minds are fixated on past mistakes or negative future possibilities. When you shift focus to the imagined outcomes—the possibility of failing, of forgetting lines, or being criticized. When you start guessing what is going on in the minds of the audience. Or getting hung up on a mistake you just made (which by the way is probably only known to you). When your mind is in the future or the past rather than the present, the pressure to live up to an imaginary scenario or stewing over a mistake takes away focus from what’s more important — NOW. And because your mind is somewhere else, more mistakes and aaahhhh oh my god. You self-destruct. Focus on the present moment, what you are saying now and say it with intentionality. Things in the present are manageable. But when we are elsewhere mentally, the now seems insurmountable.

We fear failing publicly

• Truth: Anxiety is fueled when we view each speaking opportunity as a defining moment, as if one misstep will forever damage our reputation. The truth is, no single mistake, failure, success, defines us. Not in life and not in speaking. Each moment on stage is a piece of a much larger work. No one mistake holds this much power in your life except you offer the mistake such power and make yourself a sacrificial lamb to be slain for your past mistakes. If you fear failing in public so much, know that everyone you see excel at something in public has a story of serious failures in their past. And often, it is actually because they failed badly that they became so good. So go out and fail. Find safe spaces in which to start failing before life forces you to fail on the big stages with bigger repercussions.

We doubt our story matters

• Truth: Anxiety stems from questioning whether our message holds real value. We wonder if what we’re saying truly makes a difference, leading us to believe our voice is insignificant compared to others who seem more knowledgeable or polished. This self-doubt convinces us that we’re somehow inadequate, that what we need to say more than we are saying, do more than we are doing. Here’s the reality: your story, your insights, your voice—they matter. You took the time to consider what’s meaningful, to craft a message that’s true to you. Trust that what you’ve prepared has value because it does. When you speak like what you’re saying matters, it resonates, and it matters. Believe in the worth of your message, and let that belief be the energy that connects you with your audience.

We focus on ourselves, not the message

• Truth: Anxiety often arises when our attention is fixated inward—on how we look, how we sound, or whether we’ll be liked. This self-centered focus disconnects us from the true purpose of speaking: conveying a message, not perfection in delivery. It’s not about you. It’s never about you. It will never be about you. You are not perfect, you know it. Why do you try appearing as if you were. Focus on the message and who the message is meant for. It is really not about you. Be conscious of your thoughts and self-talk. The difference between “I sucked” and “That sucked” is important.

We try to control things that are uncontrollable

• Truth: Public speaking brings anxiety when we attempt to control every aspect of the experience—the audience’s reactions, the environment, or how every point lands. Take public speaking as an exercise with unpredictable reactions and outcomes. Don’t assume people will react like this or like that. They will surprise you. So do not try to do this or that so that they will react like this or like that. Control is an illusion. You can’t elicit you desired reactions from the audience. What you should is curiously observe. See what seemed to have worked and note it afterwards but never assume anything to be a formula you take everywhere.

We have not fully owned our authority or ability

• Truth: Anxiety emerges when we haven’t fully embraced the authority we possess in our subject matter. Instead of standing firm in the depth of our knowledge and experience, we question our worthiness to speak, feeling like imposters in front of others. Let me ask you, did you merit the job that puts you in places where you speak? Did you research about the subject you are speaking on? Then you are the authority. People more experienced than you thought you had what was needed and hired you and even believe you are the right person to speak about that subject. Believe it too. You are the authority. Self-doubt is fertile ground for anxiety. When we question whether we are enough—whether we have the strength, knowledge, or resilience to succeed—anxiety is a direct manifestation of that inner fear.

We are disconnected from our true selves

• Truth: Anxiety deepens when we stray from authenticity. When we try to live up to external expectations rather than embracing who we truly are, the inner conflict creates a sense of unease. When we try to be like ____ instead of trying to be ourselves (which you need to study because you don’t know yourself very well). Authenticity is the holy grail of confidence and public speaking. The public cannot and will not embrace someone who rejects themselves. The moment you start trying to say it like ___ or to act like ____ you have already lost the authenticity and confidence game. Even if people accept you, you will eventually feel like a fraud because you know, that wasn’t me.

We try to impress or be approved

• Truth: Anxiety escalates when our primary goal becomes impressing others rather than authentically sharing our message. In the attempt to win approval, we place our worth in the hands of others, gauging our success by how much they appear to like or validate us. This mindset is a double-edged sword: not only does it add the weight of external expectations, but it also distances us from our true purpose on stage and our true message. We start scanning the room for signs of approval, reading into every expression, and adjusting our words to fit what we assume others want. The truth is, people are drawn to authenticity, not perfection. When we let go of the need to impress and focus instead on giving—giving our ideas, our insights, our stories—we step into a flow where anxiety loses its grip. Approval-seeking puts us at the mercy of others’ reactions, but when we shift to the intent of serving and sharing, we reclaim our power. In this space, we’re no longer performers chasing applause; we’re real people with real messages that resonate, regardless of approval.

We fear judgment or rejection

• Truth: At the root of many anxieties is the fear of how others perceive us. The desire to belong and be accepted can amplify anxiety, especially when we feel vulnerable or exposed. Fear of judgement and rejection buries way too much brilliance, talents and gifts. Remember this. The only difference between you and the person judging is that you have stepped up to be seen. Something they secretly wish they could do. Those who judge negatively are often the ones who can’t do it at all. Those who can, will give you constructive feedback. But what if in earnest you are rejected? If you brought your authentic self and people reject you, they are not the people for you. Find your tribe. Keep looking. There’s a room you’ll enter and not only be approved, but celebrated; people will say “where have you been all my life”

We are disconnected from a sense of purpose

• Truth: Anxiety often arises when we feel unmoored from meaning, when we lack a clear sense of purpose. Without a guiding sense of purpose or direction, every task or challenge can feel overwhelming, lacking the grounding context that gives us strength. When our message lacks personal meaning, the act of speaking becomes hollow, and every word feels forced. Without purpose, we’re unanchored, drifting through the motions rather than standing firm in our message. Purpose is what grounds us; it’s the unshakeable context that empowers us to face any audience. Without it, each task or challenge feels empty but overwhelming, like carrying something that isn’t ours to hold. If you don’t see purpose in your speaking, dig deep and find it or you shouldn’t be speaking. Why waste others’ time and waste your emotions on something you don’t care about? You must seek and find meaning in what you speak about.

We are suppressing emotional truths

• Truth: Unaddressed, suppressed emotions—grief, anger, shame—don’t simply vanish. They manifest as anxiety, often surfacing at moments of vulnerability like public speaking. Suppression creates pressure, and over time, anxiety signals the need for release, emotional processing and expression. This is a big one. I’ve seen people overcome with anxiety on stage, their fear seemingly tied to the moment but actually rooted in deeper, unresolved feelings. Emotions cannot be permanently bottled. If you see yourself as a speaker ignoring and suppressing your feelings is only a set for impending anxiety. The lid of a shaken but tightened coca cola bottle always gets loose on stage. The act of speaking is an act of opening up so if there’s build up pressure, you are going to struggle containing it.

We speak from a script, not from truth

• Truth: Anxiety takes over when you rely too much on a memorized script rather than speaking from a place of authenticity. Why? The fear of forgetting or going out of the script. When you haven’t internalized your message, you start living in your head trying to remember this and that. And your mind starts obsessing more about precision and less about the message, emotional connection with the audience and communicating effectively. It also starts judging you and often negatively. If a point you made disappears, let it go. It doesn’t make or break your presentation that you forgot something you believe was important. Perhaps saying it wouldn’t have even made any difference. Do not chase a coin to the bottom of the ocean and drown meanwhile you own the mine from which it came. There’s more where that came from.

We feel the weight of expectation

• Truth: Anxiety grows when we believe that the audience expects perfection. We fear every misstep, dread the possibility of disappointing others, and assume every glance a silent judgment. The weight of imagined scrutiny magnifies our tension, turning each moment on stage into a risky endeavor. But here’s the truth: no one expects flawless execution from a speaker—they expect sincerity, connection, and a message that resonates. What audiences truly want is your message, not perfection. Instead of striving for error-free delivery, focus on delivering something real, something meaningful, something valuable. When you let go of the pressure to impress, you free yourself to connect. Offer the audience your message with authenticity, and that alone is enough to leave a lasting impact.

We haven’t integrated the fear

• Truth: Many people think that public speaking anxiety must be eliminated, but the truth is that fear can never be fully eradicated. Anxiety diminishes only when we welcome and integrate the fear into our lives and experience, understanding that nervousness is a signal pointing to deeper things; like you care deeply about your message, your message touches on something personal and emotional, or your presentation could directly impact your life, your organization and other people’s lives. If you welcome the discomfort that you might feel as normal, it means you won’t be wrestling with it while you speak. Then you can focus on saying what you actually want to say as opposed to on how you feel.

We are on the cusp of growth

• Truth: Anxiety frequently appears at the threshold of significant personal or professional growth. It is a sign that we are stepping outside our comfort zones, where true transformation happens. Welcome this type of anxiety and assure yourself that this unfamiliar place will soon be your playground. When you spend enough time in your discomfort zone it inevitably becomes your comfort zone. Embrace the stranger well and she will become a friend.

These truths reflect the deeper, often unspoken reasons behind public speaking anxiety. They offer a lens that not only acknowledges the fear but shows how it can be understood, embraced, and transformed into a powerful force for growth and authentic expression.